i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
