Already got asked if we're dating
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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