I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
