He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
