It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
