She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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