here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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