my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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