Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
