so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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