Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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