suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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