Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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