he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I will pee on everything he values.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
