All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
