Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
