I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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