I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
