i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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