After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Panties = found
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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