I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
