Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
