I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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