it hurts more in the daytime
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize