She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
