People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
