He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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