standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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