I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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