We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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