if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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