Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
