oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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