Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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