Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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