Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
