your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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