He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
