She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
