Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
