who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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