i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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