how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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