you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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