They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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