When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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