i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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