I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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