I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
