But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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