By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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