I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
