Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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