Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
