you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
