I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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