He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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