If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
