I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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