Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You smell like stripper and shame
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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