i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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