well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
