I think I am morally bankrupt
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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