all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
