Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
