There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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