my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
