I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
