i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
