So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
